


Another Fall

by reellifejaneway



Series: Dragon Age: One-Shots [17]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreamsharing, F/M, Flashbacks, Loss of Trust, Post-Betrayal, Spoilers, The Fade, post-epilogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 07:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4254006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reellifejaneway/pseuds/reellifejaneway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it all ends and the regret becomes too much, Solas travels back into the fade to visit Lavellan in his dreams. But what he finds isn’t quite what he was expecting. Now he has no other choice but to confront the aching void, to recognise his failure, and the depth of Lavellan’s loss…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a trade for the [daficswap](http://daficswap.tumblr.com/)with the wonderful [jessicapendragon](http://jessicapendragon.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. This one is angsty, with the tiniest fluff sprinkled in for good measure (hopefully as requested)! :) Also mostly inspired by the song [Part That's Holding On](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd1mcGy6FL8) . Solas and the wonderful world of Thedas belong to Bioware/EA. Keela Lavellan belongs to jessicapendragon. I’m just a fangirl who can’t let go…

The bards immortalised her exploits, and yet she did not smile. Skyhold itself seemed to swirl around her in a tumult of colour, a flurry of rejoicing and laughter. And yet she did not dance. They were singing for her, raising her name to the heavens with every joyous shout, every stamp and clap. They were celebrating her — and yet she did not sing.

There she stood: a seraph cloaked in black, an empty shadow in the midst of a vivid cacophony. A strength, silent and grounded. But where once a flame burned in her eyes, a void lingered.

A shiver racked through him. Lavellan was but a dream, a memory — nothing more. And yet, the echoes of her presence danced across his fingertips, his lips, at the mere sight of her.

_Keela_.

He crossed the floor on silent feet. The stone wore rough and familiar beneath his toes, an unfathomable magnetism drawing him ever further into her snare. Candles flickered as Solas rounded a column, hesitating in the shadows. Revellers moved about him: blind to his presence, oblivious to her pain.

Even the fur pelt slung over one shoulder barely stems the cold that seeps into his bones.

Keela’s brilliant gold eyes swept the dance floor. Her gaze hesitated upon the shadows — his shadow — as though she could sense Solas’ presence.

He knew it was impossible. Physically his feet had never stepped foot within the keep; she could not possibly know that he was there.

And still her gaze grew unnaturally bright, that eerie green glow on her palm illuminating to match the emerald haze in her eyes.

“You came,” her voice whispered, her lips unmoving.

Solas started, his brows furrowing beneath the obscuring hood of his cloak. Around them, the dancers seemed to slow, their feet hovering in mid-step as though some unseen hand had suspended living marionettes from the rafters of the keep.

But it was the sight of the Inquisitor herself that had him frozen in terror and awe. Lavellan’s black velvet gown moved soundlessly as she glided across the floor. The candlelight bounced off the ornate gilded clasp at her waist, the gold circlet about her forehead — tonight she was a queen. Those fearlessly beautiful eyes burned with anger, despair; her sweet lips curling into a disdainful snarl.

“Have you come to _observe_?” Her voice was tremulous, but not from misery. No, it shook with _anger_. “You hide behind your knowledge and your ‘wisdom’. But you cannot bear to look me in the eye — to face what you’ve done.”

It was true. Her words were heard only by him and yet there was a edge to her voice that cut him to the quick. Guilt twisted within him from every bitter word, goading him until it was all he could do to turn his face from her condemning glare.

“I trusted you,” Keela spat vehemently. She circled him slowly, tendrils of the fade curling in the air, shimmering green and filling Solas’ lungs with the scent that was distinctly her. “You promised me that you would _try_ , that you would tell me the truth!”

“Keela—”

“No, Solas. Enough.”

Magic blossomed at her fingertips, petals of fire unfurling about her skin in a display of beauty and power. Solas knew she had no intention of hurting him. And yet, the sight chilled him to the core.

“You deceived me.”

As the words fell from her lips, so did the light surrounding them. Solas couldn’t help but take a step back from her as Keela advanced on him. Her velvet skirts began to spread across the floor in wraith-like wisps, darkness seeping across the floor and blanketing the dancers until all that remained was shadow. A single candle flickered behind them — a faint beacon of gold burning against the midnight that was Keela’s anger.

A twinge of pride, familiar and reckless, burst deep inside Solas’ chest. She had learnt from him. After voyaging into the fade together so often, Keela had finally grasped how to control the void of her dreams. She had sensed his presence, sensed the fade bending to allow him to pass through it unseen. And now, she was using that inner strength, her knowledge of the fade, her knowledge of _him_ , to turn Solas’ sanctuary against him.

“Your anger changes nothing, _da_ _’mis_ ,” he murmured softly, gripping his staff tighter. “I did what was required of me — as did you.”

“Lies.” Keela practically spat the words at him. “You told me what you thought I needed to hear and did what you wanted to regardless. Did you think that I was blind, naive enough to turn to your purpose? I am _not_ a child. I am not yours to mould!”

Solas stood firm. “You could not understand.”

“You never allowed me a chance!” She hissed, stalking along the edges of his dream like a wolf, her fangs bared and eyes glowing with barely-restrained malice. “You chose for me, Solas. You chose for the both of us.”

His chest ached now, the full impact of his betrayal finally settling against his heart. Every step Lavellan took, every flex of her fingers, every venomous word, only drove the blade deeper. Solas knew that Lavellan had never deserved this. How many nights had he lain awake, too afraid to face the fade without her? He had known from the start that she would suffer for his deception. But to see the betrayal in her eyes? To hear his condemnation falling from her lips?

This was almost more than he could bear.

He hung his head, one hand reaching blindly to her. “Keela…” _I_ _’m sorry._

_“How can I believe you now?”_

Solas opened his eyes to find that the darkness of the fade had shifted once more — revealing a keep in ruins, rain dripping through a rotting ceiling and pooling at his bare feet. Vines had long overwhelmed the mosaics on Skyhold’s walls. Their roots snaked across the floor, delved into the cracks in the masonry. Only one light burned: An eerie green spark from a statue, a stone figure of the woman he’d foolishly allowed himself to love.

_“Nothing lasts forever, Solas. You know this better than most.”_ Keela’s voice was fading, twisting. _“Some day this will be all that remains, and someone will stare in wonder, pondering on the people who once lived and loved within these walls. What story would you have them tell?”_

He shivered in horror, watching as Lavellan’s statue began to age before his eyes. The marble likeness of her eyes grew hollow. The shimmering jewel in her upturned hand sparked and burned out, plunging the ruined fortress into midnight.

“I can’t!” Solas exclaimed, pleading with the darkness. “Keela, listen to me! I wanted you to be safe. My purpose is one that I cannot ask you to endure.”

_“Cannot ask?”_ A phantom robed in black stepped past him, a pair of burning gold eyes sending a chill up his spine. “ _You never gave me a chance._ _”_ And with that, she swept past him into the night.

Whether his feet moved of their own volition or from some subconscious willpower, Solas could not tell. All he knew was that as he passed through the doors of Skyhold’s keep, instead now he found himself standing on the balcony at Halamshiral. Candlelight and music echoed in the distance as Solas hesitated, his very breath caught in his throat.

_No, Keela. Please do not ask this of me._

She was as magnificent in his dreams as she had been in the flesh. A vision in deep violet silk, shimmering jewels clasped at her throat. Gone was the fire, the silent rage burning behind her eyes. Now, as Keela turned to gaze upon him, her face glowed with joy upon seeing him. She reached out to him, her delicate hand inviting his touch.

“ _You never gave us a chance,_ _”_ that voice snarled in his ear. _“You could have stayed.”_

Tears danced upon the fringes of his vision. “If it were within my power, ma’vhenan, I would have.”

The other Keela — the part of her that shone with love — still waited upon him, her lips smiling with hope. “Solas, come dance with me.”

The tears fell freely then. He felt his own resolve weakening, his purpose obscured by her brilliance.

_If only I could_ _…_

Suddenly his feet were moving, stumbling, running. He flew forward and caught her up in his arms. He was truly there, now. No more midnight, no more ache. For just a moment perhaps they could be together. It was so much more than he deserved — and yet, she was everything he ever needed.

“Keela, Keela…”

Her name was a balm to the ache, her warmth the only comfort he desired. Solas buried his face in her hair. He drank in her scent and leaned down to nuzzle at her neck.

Keela laughed, pushing him away gently. “What has gotten into you?” The fabric of her gown fluttered in the night breeze, her hair cascading across one flushed bronze cheek. “Solas?”

“Nothing, ma’vhenan,” he lied.

_Always lies_ , he cursed inwardly. Oh but for the sparkle in her eyes, the strength in her heart, the curious smile that drew him like a hapless spirit to Keela’s beacon. Forcing down the lump in his throat, Solas clasped her close to his chest, his feet resuming the steps of that dance he remembered so well.

For Solas knew only too well that his guilt — and a choice — would be waiting for him when he woke.


End file.
